captive

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14 (NIV)

This verse is carrying me these days. As I wait on the Lord to do the things I cannot and fight some battles that have been raging for years, I find that “still” means different things on different days. Some days, I walk in peace, knowing fully that He has everything under control. Other days, it means I am face down on the carpet of my prayer closet, snot bubbling from every possible orifice. This morning, my heart is heavy and I long for freedom. So, I went back to Exodus and started searching. I read Exodus 14:14 again…and then I went up a few verses.

They said to Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert.” Exodus 14:11-12

What a bunch of crybabies!!! I mean, Moses had just put his neck on the line in asking Pharaoh to release the Israelites from slavery and Pharaoh agreed! A miracle of God, to say the least. They have crossed over a raging riverbed on dry land and are not even to the edge of the property before they start mumbling and grumbling about how they are being chased, and how bad things look, and how they are gonna die out here in the desert. They ACTUALLY ASKED to go back to slavery rather than face an unknown future with God. Can you even imagine?

Yes. Yes, I can. Because I see myself among the Israelites most days. God has taken me and my people out of captivity that held us for the past 15 years and He is taking us somewhere new. His direction to go is clear while our final destination or even the journey ahead is not. Our promise land is ahead, but the road is a winding one. In my heart, I know obedience is not optional. But dang, when you look back and see your past dysfunction in comfortable clothes chasing you down, it can be hard not to want to go back. The reality is that we humans often prefer to go back to the known of our slavery than to step out into the unknown of freedom.  

Freedom requires a level of dependence on God that makes most of us uncomfortable. We prefer God to act like a coach calling the plays, but still giving us the opportunity to call an audible. We like to maintain a decent amount of control over our lives and our futures. Like a cosmic linebacker, if God would just clear the path, we could take it from there. Self-sufficiency is our human default mode. It gives us false sense of security and a life of disconnection and isolation.

When God does step in and shows us the way out of the prison of our own choosing, it is never a journey we can make alone. It will always require us to be connected to the source of our freedom. It also means leaving the past behind. Slaves desperate for freedom don’t run with suitcases. The road to freedom demands we drop the old to create space for the new. Old dreams, bad habits, and toxic people must be left in the land of our captivity if we are ever to move into the promised land of our future. The rules of slavery don’t work in the promised land, and we cannot be the same people in freedom that we were in bondage.

Walking into our new season can be just as terrifying as is it exhilarating. Taking those first few steps out of comfortable causes fear in the hearts of most. But isn’t it our heart He is really interested in? Isn’t the journey really all about trusting Him more and depending on ourselves less? Isn’t the pathway to freedom about letting go of plans and dreams and people and systems that stand in the way of a deeper connection with Jesus? If you take God at His word, the answer is yes.

So just like the Israelites, I am saying “yes, Lord” to whatever you have next for me and my people. I may freak out every other Tuesday and I may stop for a good cry and a good burrito ever so often, but you know me, Lord. I will not stop walking towards you and the plans you have for me. I will do the work to grieve what has been lost because the new always costs us the old.

And I will worship a God who loves me too much to let me stay comfortable in the land of my captivity.